I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
