i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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