he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
