Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
