Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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