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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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