At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
