Need sex. Gaining weight.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
