i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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