I think my vagina is haunted
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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