Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
