Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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