WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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