THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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