The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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