im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
