I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
