I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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