I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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