I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
