Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
