Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
