New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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