I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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