Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
