i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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