Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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