Tell her she can't have a vagina
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize