david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
