I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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