He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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