guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
