it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
