just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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