you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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