Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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