Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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