i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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