Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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