Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
