my phone needs a breathalizer
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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