Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
