i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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