please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
