I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
