I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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