good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
