Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
