and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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