You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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