the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
