How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize