She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
