Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
