Farmville is her only friend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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