i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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