I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
