Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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