Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Randomize
