So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
