I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize