So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
