Where did you get a picture of my penis
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
