What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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