I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
