That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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