Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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