Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Randomize
