Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
