so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
