Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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