so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
