When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
