youre lurking in front of me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
